Caution! Don’t Read This! Time Waster!

Maggie is thinking about homeschooling, and typical of me I troll the internet for thoughts about the subject. In doing so, I stumble upon this blog. And this quote, by Stephanie Waldron, emphasis & pictures mine:

“I used to be so involved in unschooling discussions. I used to debate. I used to share my political views. I used to talk about parenting respectfully and I used to just be active online and in person. I used to promote my thoughts and opinions.
Then….peri-menopause hit me like a two ton heavy thing. Also life has thrown lots of punches in the last few years.
Now I’m just some crazy whacked out hormone imbalance that can’t get it together anymore. My emotions are all over the map and I can’t seem to pull myself together.
I used to be so strong and confident and determined. Now I feel weak and down. I don’t want circumstances to beat me down. They are and I don’t know how to stop them.

I don’t know how to get out of this funk that I’m in.”

I know how this lady feels. What the hell happened? It’s like you’re forging ahead with life, getting things done, raising your kids, loving your husband, and suddenly the light turns off. You’re standing in the dark, not knowing which way to turn. Every damn thing makes you want to cry.  You can’t make decisions, can’t think straight.
I hate it. 
In the midst of it all, I’ve worked a few jobs out of the home and have been moderately successful, but in the end, I wanna come home. I’ve been a stay-at-home mom for over 30 years. It’s what I do. But some stupid inside voice taunts me with insecurities, guilt, second-guessing, failures, if-onlys and what-ifs. Do I fight back? Hell yeah, like a ninja, (Justin) but I still cry.
I know, I know, there’s help for that you know. But I am very, very cautious about messing with hormones. If I am consistent (ha!) {Wait. Who said that?} with some natural hormone therapy, vitamins and exercise it helps, but the rip-tide is just under the surface, hidden, pulling.
But I’m still fighting:

1. I’m going to continue to enjoy my easy mornings of coffee, listening to and watching the birds as  the day comes. When I’m ready to get dressed, I will.
2. I know that I know that I know my God loves me no matter what and that fills my heart and helps me fight.
3. I’ll go hiking whenever I want to. Or not.

4. I’ll stand in one place in the woods for 5 hours and take 555 pictures of the same bird. (Look at this one! See?)
5. If I want my life to be bossed around by Robins wanting mealworms NOW, fine. “Chir-d-lurp!”

6.  I’m proud of the fact I’ve successfully raised 7 great children and 3 great step-children with my 11th child still in the process. Homeschooling for 17 years. Even though sometimes I only feel qualified to raise puppies.
7. I still see God’s beauty in everything I look at. There is always something good.
8. I will continue to be adventurous, spontaneous, unpredictable – in a good way. Let’s Go!
9. Yes, after 15 years of marriage, I’m still crazy in love with my husband Al, and love it when he wears tight jeans. And boots. Yikes.
10. I like me. Yes, I’m fatter and slower than I’ve been in the past. But I’m funny, even if I’m the only one that gets the joke.
If you’ve read this far, I make no apologies, but probably should. Wait. No. I shouldn’t. 
Stick around awhile, I can assure you it won’t be boring.
 
Love.


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